Choice City Burger. Nuff said.
Both makes and breaks your day
Stay Gold Colorado. Until next time…
A Father's Work is Never Done
I couldn’t decide if contextually it made more sense to request that you watch the video before you continue reading or if you should finish reading and then watch the video. I think it’s best if you watch the video first, because if you’re at work or have a short attention span, you may only have enough time for one, and that could be the difference between a padded-room and Patagonia. That is not an analogy.
Earlier this week, I received an email from my father that went like this,
Hi, I’m trying to win an adventure trip to Patagonia. It’s a contest and the person with the most views of their video wins …
So it’s more of popularity contest; but anyways …
here’s my shot:
click on the link, watch my plea, and vote for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F7gLf7xwVs
thank you and God Bless America,
mark
To my knowledge my Dad has never god blessed anything. He’s god damned and motherfucked a lot of things, but his mouth has never been fixed for a blessing. So I responded with this,
Dad,
Just got an email from you about a Patagonia adventure contest. It read like a girl scout’s thin-mint sales pitch. I thought maybe your email got hacked. Anyways, just wanted to give you a heads up.
When I was a child I somehow persuaded my Mom to throw me a surprise birthday party. The thing about proposing your own surprise party is you tend to not be surprised, even though you desperately want to. That’s how I felt when this showed up in my email.
yep that email was from me …
i entered a contest to win a 5week adventure in Patagonia - a wilderness trip.
The video is the thing - who ever gets the most views/votes wins.
Who knows … I don’t expect to win; but the video is pretty funny.
Apparently my father’s near decade of unemployment has finally caught up with him. He needs a five-week vacation! You see, it hasn’t been a dull service of non-working. As he explains in the video, my Dad has written an entire book (very impressive) and he’s read an entire book (considerably less impressive). His fingers are most certainly worn to the bone from opening those Bud Lights and squeezing limes into his tequila. He rides his bike 20-30 miles every day. When is he expected to have time for himself?! Come on judges, let the man rest his haunches! He lives in the dreary concrete jungle. Otherwise known as Colorado. He has to go hiking in his own backyard just to see a tree! He gets high and talks about sweaters with 20 year olds. How many 60 year olds do you know who are still doing that? Most of us can’t sustain that lifestyle past 25. That’s dedication my friends! It’s come at a great cost though. Do you have any idea how many mid-day naps he has to take just to work up the energy to cook a pizza? He’s a cog in the machine folks. A cog! Sleeves don’t just cut themselves off. I must agree with my Dad when he pleads for someone to unplug him. After all, if they’ve turned off your electric, what good is a plug? It’s time for my old man to loosen up his tie, or that shoelace he uses to keep his pants up, and kick back. So please, if you haven’t already, check out Mark’s video. I really don’t have the money for a padded room.
Jay-Z, The Blueprint 3, and Me. 2.0
We’re going to try this again. I already wrote up a review for this album, but the powers at be (Dame Dash?) erased it from the planet. I’m worried that writing the review again puts undeserving importance on the piece and/or album. If it does, it shouldn’t. I’m only writing this again because I haven’t written anything in a while and this is the only worked out idea I have. So without further ado, a-do-over.
By now, any interested party has had the opportunity through legitimate or illegitimate means to listen to Jay-Z’s third installment in the Blueprint series. The early reviews are in, and if I were to sum them up into a few words, I’d say “disappointing but acceptable.” No one is confidently hailing it as his finest album, but Kingdom Come and In My Lifetime are safe in their position as his worst collections. I am in agreement that it is not his best work. I would say it’s his third or fourth best effort. Now on the surface that rank suggests mediocrity, but remember that we’re talking about coming in fourth behind The Blueprint, The Black Album, and maybe American Gangster (I’m sure some of you are saying those aren’t his three best albums, and I’m open to debating that, but not here. Drop me an email). In any case, that’s pretty good company to keep.
When listening to a Jay-Z album it’s impossible not to compare it to his earlier work. I suppose that holds true for any musician or artist for that matter, but I think that does a disservice to the album and the listener. After all that’s how you end up giving a great album a sub-par review. And The Blueprint 3 is a great album. It is nowhere near my favorite rap album, partly because it doesn’t strike me as a particularly hip-hop album. I know I just said you do a disservice to an album by comparing it to its predecessors but The Blueprint 3 is just like every other Hova album. In so much that it is an honest reflection of Sean Carter at the time he was making the music. That’s why you can have a man rapping about slinging crack and hustling to survive and 20 years later that same man can spit about hanging with Oprah and texting the President. That’s what makes his music so extraordinary. With each album he has, I find myself listening more intently to the lyrics. Not because they’re cleverer, often they’re not, but because I know the subject matter has changed. It’s a new story. Hip-Hop constantly examines and critiques the legitimacy of rappers. From 50 Cent to Rick Ross, there’s always a suspicious eye on the truth behind their rhymes. Then when Jay comes out with a song like 30 Something (Kingdom Come), people attack him for rapping about corporate deals and having good credit. Sure, those aren’t exactly street lyrics, but they’re authentic. The Blueprint 3 is a more crafted extension of that. It’s a deep exploration into the diversity of music that only a man who has resided there for decades could execute. Any fool with a grain of talent can legitimately rap about the hard knock life, because sadly, many of us have some familiarity with that. Only S. Carter can make a Blueprint album. Hova is no longer a hungry rapper, and if you purchase the Blueprint looking for Young Hova, you will be disappointed. As Jay tells you in On To The Next One “Hov on that new shit, ni**gas like how come, nig**as want my old shit, buy my old album.”
That’s not to say Blueprint isn’t without its share of hungry rappers. Jay shares the stage with Drake on Off That (a decent club anthem), Kid Cudi on Already Home (arguably the best song on the album), and J. Cole on A Star is Born (Jay unconventionally tips his hat to his contemporaries). While I’m indifferent about the former two artists, I am a huge fan of J. Cole. The dude is a beast and his flow is off the chain. Do yourself a favor and pick up his mixtape The Warm Up
Between that and The Blueprint 3, you’ll have enough good music to get you from the corner to the corner office.
*Author’s Note: Despite popular belief, Hate feat. Kanye West is a dynamite track. Haters.
Technology is failing me. First my phone breaks and then my tumblr entry gets lost forever. It’s the first thing I’d written in months. Fuck you 1st world problems! Argh!
Huh? I’m all for tasers and taser testing (FYI- You can pick up a taser at most flea markets or those weird consumer tent blowouts), but the victim to assailant ratio according to gender is a tad unsettling.
“Let’s see, we’ve got seven men and three women. Why don’t we have the men double up on the women, and the left over man can taser all three women? Perfect. Just like in the real world. Often a helpless man will be walking to his car in the parking garage with six of his buddies. Three petite women predators will lunge out from the shadows and brutally assault and violate the man while his six friends stand by- frozen in fear.”
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
“Nice. Those feisty sirens won’t be trying that again anytime soon. Lets hit the showers. I gotta get home and catch up on my Entourage. On your way out ladies, try not to get any urine on the carpets. Thanks.”
Wu-Tang Lego: Da Mystery of Chessboxin’ (Lego Recreation via @SouthCackNeezy)
Takes me back. Two times!
